WWE SmackDown - Golden Ticket

Mark Henry pinned Lance Storm with the Big Splash in 0:08:43.
Rating: 1/2*

Cage Match:
Jaime Nobleboy defeated The Hurricane by escaping the cage on a technicality
after being launched from the top of the cage to the floor by a Rey Misterio
Jr. flying headscissors in 0:14:42.
Rating: *** 1/2
Click here to see highlights.

No-DQ-Match:
Chris Jericho made The Big Valbowski submit to the The Walls of Jericho after
beating him into unconsciosness with Valbowski's laptop computer in 0:12:40.
Rating: ** 3/4
Click here to see highlights.

Billy & Chuck and Al Snow and Faarooq battled to a double countout in 0:14:13 
after Triple H gave all four wrestlers a Pedigree.
Rating: -1/2*
(Billy & Chuck retained the World Tag Team Titles.)
Click here to see highlights.

Rikishi pinned Test after a Samoan Drop following Undertaker interference in
0:09:14.
Rating: 3/4*
Click here to see highlights.

Hardcore Holly and Christian battled to a draw in 0:02:00 when the match was 
cancelled so we could get an update on Triple H in the back.
Rating: ***
Click here to see highlights.

Kurt Angle and Tajiri defeated Hulk Hogan and Tazz when Tajiri pinned
Hogan with the Dragon Suplex in 0:16:50.
Rating: ****
Click here to see highlights.

[Golden Ticket Match]: No-Time-Limit-No-Countout-No-DQ-Triangle Match:
Triple H won the Golden Ticket by defeating The Rock and Chris Benoit:
         x HHH beat The Rock via the Pedigree in 0:27:28
         x HHH beat Benoit via the Pedigree in 0:36:09
Rating: ***



Match observations: 

SmackDown began with Vince McMahon swaggering out to the ring to address the
crowd about what went down on Monday Night Raw. But first he took ten minutes
to insult the crowd and talk about his genitals and growl a lot and say "I'm
Vince McMahon Damnit!" a few times. Eventually, Vince got around to talking
about the issue at hand, the problem of SmackDown wrestlers HHH, The Rock and
Chris Benoit all appearing on Raw. Vince noted that Benoit was only allowed to
appear on Raw until he wrestled, but by wrestling, he violated the ban on 
crossing brands. Rock's "It doesn't matter what brand" was also not enough of an
excuse for him to appear on Raw, much less challenge the Undertaker to a title
match. And HHH was the very reason the rule was put in place, and by interfering
in the match and hitting everyone with Pedigrees, he violated the rule. Vince
then insulted the crowd for another five minutes before deciding that all three
men would have to be suspended.

"IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!"

HHH came out and did his whole long entrance routine and spit water, then put
Vince in position for a Pedigree until Vince begged for mercy and said he would
reconsider suspending him.

"IF YA SMEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL..."

The Rock came out and waited out a "Rock-E! Rock-E!" chant, then took off his
sunglasses, which caused another chant he had to wait out. Then The Rock said
"Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa!" He questioned why Vince
would consider not suspending HHH and then did a kickass impression of HHH
where he kept saying "THE GAME-UH!" and "THAT DAMN GOOD-UH!" until HHH got 
pissed and started to say something, but the Rock cut him off and made a joke
about HHH's bacne, causing HHH to attack him. At some point, Chris Benoit sort
of wandered out and got involved, too, leading Vince to break it up by saying
he had a solution - the three men would compete tonight IN THIS VERY RING in a
special elimination match. Since they all wanted to go where ever when ever,
the winner would receive a special "golden ticket" that would allow him to 
appear on whatever show he wanted, whenever he wanted. The last man eliminated
would have the choice of picking which show he wanted to be assigned to, but
would then be limited to appearing only on that show's brand. The first man
eliminated woudl be "suspended....INNNNNNDEEEEEFINITELY!"

Lance Storm took on Mark Henry in a singles match and lost after Henry kicked
out of Storm's superkick and hit a big splash. After the match, Storm got on
the mic and said he realized why he was losing all his matches, it was because
he's Canadian. Storm went on to say that Canadians will ALWAYS lose in the WWE
because of one fact: Canadians suck. The Chicago crowd didn't take kindly to
that and one fan even tried to run into the ring and attack Storm, yelling "You
can't say that about our friends, the Canadians!" Storm taunted the fan and said
that it was true, Canadians just aren't good at anything except hockey and bad
comedy movies. At that point, an angry Hardcore Holly came out and told Storm
to stop blaming Canada and blame himself. Holly noted that Canada is America's
beloved neighbor to the north and the US-Canadian border is the largest 
unprotected border in the world because the two countries have so much in 
common and have always been good friends. Holly went on to name some popular
and talented Canadians like Alan Thicke, Dave Coulier and NBA center Todd
MacCullough. Holly noted that badmouthing Canada is just as bad as badmouthing
Alabama or even Chicago. The crowd cheered Holly on, but Storm said that they
were all idiots and Canada sucked compared to Chicago, so Holly ran in and 
kicked him in the balls.

In the back, Chris Jericho happened upon The Big Valbowski, who was typing away
on his brand new laptop. Jericho asked Valbowski what he was doing, and the
Big Valbowski told Jericho that he was putting the finishing touches on his new
extreme right wing political commentary Internet site, the Valbowski Factor. At
the mention of the Internet, Jericho snapped and smashed Valbowski with a chair
before running off with his laptop yelling "SCREW THE INTERNET!"

The Hurricane took on Jamie Nobleboy in an exciting cruiserweight cage match.
The Hurricane appeared to have his title won back when he hit the Overcast from
halfway up the cage, but Nidia stopped him at the door by zapping him with a 
tazer, then repeatedly slamming his head with the cage. Nobleboy climbed up
the cage to escape while the crowd begged for someone to help the Hurricane and
the enigmatic Rey Misterio Jr. made his debut by running through the crowd and
quickly climbing the outside of the cage to meet Nobleboy on top, before 
promptly hitting an amazing flying headscissors that sent the champ hurtling
from the top of the cage all the way to the floor below. Unfortunately, this
technically caused the champ to retain. Misterio checked on the Hurricane while
medics put Nobleboy on a stretcher to take him to the back, but not before
Nidia climbed onto the stretcher and simulated humping the KO'ed champ. What
a piece of trash she is, huh folks?

In the back, Al Snow bumped into Faarooq and asked him how he was. Faarooq said
he was fine. Snow said "Hey, we should randomly team up for a tag title shot
against Billy and Chuck." Faarooq said "Damn." Snow said "Damn what?" Faarooq
said "Oh, sorry, I meant OK."

Also in the back, the Undertaker arrived and, after nervously looking around the
backstage area, searched out Rikishi and pulled him aside to ask him something.

Back in the ring, the crowd exploded as "Real American" kicked up, but the 
cheers quickly turned to heavy boos when Kurt Angle came out to the beloved 
theme. Angle talked to the angry crowd about how he destroyed The Immortal Hulk
Hogan at King of the Ring and made him tap to the anklelock in the center of
the ring. Angle said that he proved that HE was the Real American and thus he
deserved to use this theme, and if Hogan had a problem with that, maybe he 
better come out and do something about it. In the back, a dejected Hulk Hogan
sadly watched on the moniter and shook his head. When Hogan failed to come out,
Angle continued to badmouth him and started to make fun of Hogan's albums and
his TV shows. Angle then started making fun of Hogan's goofy hair and said that
only jerks refused to accept being bald and then made fun of Hogan's goofy skin
tone. Finally, Tazz - who had been fuming the whole time - had enough and left
the announcer's table and attacked Angle, sending the Olympic Gold Medalist
running.

Chris Jericho took on the Big Valbowski and beat him after using the Valbowski's
laptop to knock him out and then putting him in the Walls of Jericho. Jericho
then destroyed the laptop and yelled "that's what I'd do to the Internet!"

In a busy backstage segment, Kurt Angle stormed into Vince McMahon's office,
where Vince was sitting behind his desk with a grotesque expression on his face.
Angle started to nag Vince about what happened, but McMahon seemed to want to
get rid of him, so he just asked Kurt what he wanted. Angle demanded a tag 
match against Hogan and Tazz with a random partner of his choosing and Vince
agreed, then threw Angle out. Dawn Marie then popped up from under Vince's desk
and Vince smiled and said "Thanks for...uh...getting that pen that I dropped.
Oh, and for the ORAL SEX you just performed on me!"

Elsewhere, Tazz tracked down Hulk Hogan and asked the Hulkster why he didn't
go out there and kick Angle's butt. Hogan sadly revealed that his KOTR match
against Angle made him think that maybe it was time for the Hulkster to move
on, that maybe he didn't have it anymore, brah. Tazz got upset and revealed
that Hogan had always been a role model and that he'd been a little Hulkamaniac
for years. Tazz said that he believed Hogan could go out there and run wild on
Angle. Hogan thought it over and said "You just might be right, there, dude!"

Still elsewhere, Molly Holly arrived with the women's title, but Jerry Lawler
also arrived at the same time and pointed at her ass and said "You have a big
ass!" Molly maced Lawler and left in a huff. In the background, Kurt Angle ran
across Tajiri and offered to let him be Angle's tag partner.

Billy and Chuck defended their tag titles against the veteran team of Al Snow
and Faarooq, but the match ended in a double countout when HHH angrily stormed
the ring and hit everyone with a Pedigree. When he was finished, the Rock tore
out of the back and pearl harbored HHH before Rock Bottoming him through the
Spanish Announce Table. The crowd went crazy as The Rock stood over HHH, but
then Chris Benoit ran down and dropped the Rock and put him into the Crippler
Crossface on the floor while the Rock sold it like his head was being torn off.
Security finally broke things up and Chris Benoit backed up the ramp doing his
little "heh heh" thing while the crowd went nuts. Rock eventually got up and
made his way to the back slowly while HHH had to be taken to the back by 
medical technicians.

Rikishi took on Test in a one-on-one match and won when the Undertaker made his
way to ringside and chokeslammed Test while the ref was distracted. After the
match, UT pointed to Rikishi and said "Remember, boy...you owe me!" while 
Rikishi looked at him with a look of grim resolve.

In the back, Mark Loyd said that early word was that HHH might have a mild
concussion and might not be able to compete in the main event.

Hardcore Holly took on Christian in what started out as a fast-paced, exciting
match. Lance Storm quietly made his way to the ringside area and skulked around,
only further getting the crowd caught up into things as Holly and Christian
exchanged rapid near falls. But then Michael Cole indicated that there was
further word on HHH in the back, so the match was cancelled.

In the back, Mark Loyd said that HHH indeed had a concussion and doctors 
indicated that there was simply no way he'd be in any shape to compete in the
main event against the Rock and Chris Benoit, let alone beat both men and thus
win the "golden ticket" allowing him to appear on the programming of both WWE
brands. In the back, Jamie Nobleboy and the Big Valbowski were taken out in an
ambulance.

Hulk Hogan and Tazz took on Kurt Angle and Tajiri in a surprisingly excellent
tag match. Hogan started out looking unmotivated and perhaps nervous, but with
motivation from Tazz and the excited crowd, Hogan found some inspiration as he
and his partner battled mightily with Angle and the Japanese Buzzsaw. Towards
the end of the match, Angle and Tazz fought on the outside and Angle suplexed
Tazz over the guardrail. In the ring, Hogan waged war with Tajiri and appeared
to have things taken care of when Angle hit Hogan in his injured ankle from the
floor, causing Hogan to stumble coming off the ropes for the Leg Drop O' Doom.
Tajiri struck quickly and kicked Hogan in the back of the head, then hit a 
brutal Dragon Suplex on the Hulkster for the pin. Afterwards, Tajiri and Angle
mocked Hogan's posedown in the ring to Real American, while a bitterly dejected
Hogan appeared angry at himself and left the arena.

For the main event, Chris Benoit and the Rock made there way to the ring and,
despite wanting to fight each other, waited to hear how HHH's injury would
change the match. Instead, they heard:

"IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!"

HHH came out and said that even with a concussion, he was still going to wrestle
and the three men put on a solid triple threat elimination match, knowing that
the first man out would be suspended and, while the second man out would be
allowed to pick one brand to compete for, only the winner would receive the
so-called Golden Ticket which would allow him to appear on either brand whenever
he wanted. Despite his injury, HHH managed to bravely battle on and nailed the
Rock with a Pedigree for the pin, thus suspending The Rock indefinitely and
causing the crowd to throw trash in the ring. Chris Benoit attacked HHH and took
him on for the final fall, but HHH managed to fight on and also nailed Benoit
with a Pedigree to pin him and thus win the coveted Golden Ticket to end the
show!